Another year of transforming my Ego into Spirit (35-36)

The middle of last year was terrible! My beloved 27-year-old fiancé left me because he somehow figured out 3 months after proposing, “that we had different beliefs and values.” Ahhhh, hello, that is the shit you think about before you pop the question, Dumbass. I had believed him when he said he, “valued my beliefs and wanted the same things in the future.” Liar, Liar, pants on fire. I should have taken more time to get know I was with a narcissistic liar before I decided to marry one. Those masks usually come off around year 2.

Well, enough of that rant. What I am really thankful for is that at the end, he did have the courage to get honest break it off and go away. After he moved his stuff out, he even got rid of his precious kitty.

After this painful experience, something amazing started happening to me. Rebecca Cooper (the Boss) ask me what I was passionate about? My reply had been Eating Disorder Recovery, Spiritual Studies, and being sober. She told me to write about, and she would get back to me. The amazing moment was when she offered me a job assisting her with her up and coming project called DietQ. It wouldn’t be easy. I would have to be trained as a Holistic Health Coach and certified. Since I have always been in fear about my reading ability (due to dyslexia), I really had to think before taking this commitment. Up in till then I believed my only talents where being athletic, stylish, and a good hairstylist. None of those were going to help me study.

What does a girl like me do? Ask her mom (who is a teacher for help). Did I mention I just turned 35? Anyways once the academic ball was rolling, I started to enjoy my inner nerd. I took a Science of the Mind course through my church. If you haven’t seen that book, let me tell you, it is HUGE!!!!! But I didn’t stop there. I decided to start reading and working out of The Artist Way.

For the next 6 months ya I was grieving and growing from the loss of my relationship but I was gaining so much. The work Rebecca and I were and are still are doing was shaping me for a new career and allowing me to work in a field I was passionate for. At church, learning more about Ernst Holmes philosophies only enhanced my spiritual life. It also went hand in hand with some of the work Rebecca had given me to study. And the Artist Way, oh, sweet Julia Cameron how do I love thee. I don’t know if I will ever fully finish The Artist Way. It’s like the Bible or the Big Book you always go back to it. This amazing piece of litituare gave me the confidence to write, to do videos, to paint, and to face my past with silliness and creativity.

Yes, it has now been a year, but that was only the half of it. With my new found tools and new passions in place, I live! I am proud to say that. In the past, I hadn’t really valued my life, and I wasn’t living life passionately. If I felt passion, it was false “Ego” passion. This type of passion makes you rely on someone else to give you positive strokes. Now, I am creating my own passion. I am living my spiritual path. I am grateful for this new source of strength.

I mention the word synchronicity often in my post. To me it is a spiritual believe as real as karma. I wrote a pray in January asking God to bring to me spiritual friendships. I wanted relationships that are likeminded, spiritual, and playful.   Those friends were already in my life, but our journey together has forks in the path as each of us changes and grows. If I wasn’t such a spiritual nerd, I say it was odd but it is God.

I needed them during the last week before my 36-birth day. my Love, my Light, my Safe spot, my dog, Jack, passed away suddenly and went to doggy heaven.  For a moment, I felt like I lost my love, and again I needed to grieve. Instead what, I gained has been far more powerful. Jack passing opened my eyes to the spiritual meaning of Love.  When I surrender my ego (doubts) and live in my passions, I am Love.

Love can heal.
Love can renew.
Love can make us safe.
Love can inspire us with its power.