I’m in a bad way…
I don’t have time to make your naughty list; all I do is binge and purge.
Got a time machine? How’s about a ray gun that zaps calories with little to no fuss.
At this rate I’ll be dead before the 25th or asking the elves to hop skip and jump on making me a new esophagus…
I’d like my two front teeth back old Saint Nick… my blood sugar is acting crazy again. I want some new X-ray specks that see the clusterjam I have caused to my inners…
I’m the creature stirring in the middle of the night … I ate your cookies and your milk and didn’t gain an ounce!
Sorry if I’m coming off base or course… I stopped believing in you when I started believing in this. I need your help Santa.
I want a Holiday season that is bright and peace of mind.
Merry frocking Christmas Santa,
This year, I will not let my ED control my holidays; I will be present for my family. I will not leave right after a meal to go for a run as a punishment for nourishing my soul. I will not stick to pita chips & Greek yogurt, restricting my taste buds & soul from being adventurous. My ED use to strike fear into me anytime I even glanced into a kitchen, but not this year Santa. This year, I will make memories in the kitchen with those I love & who love me & I will participate in my recovery.
Numbers do not measure me, & I refuse to waste anymore time hating myself on the scale. I will not ruin my days by body checking every time I consume anything. I will not be a prisoner to your harsh comments & degrading remarks. I will declare goodness over my life & myself. Whenever I feel like weighing body checking, or myself I will instead see how I can be of service to others.
I deserve freedom. I deserve life. I deserve to enjoy this holiday season. And on the days I feel undeserving, I will remind myself that my family & friends are deserving of my full presence & participation. Santa, all I really want from you this year is support and maybe some more recovery tools. Like a shiny new journal or something. Thank you.